When Loving to Give Isn't the Problem but the Lack of Boundaries Is

There was a period in my life when I had no boundaries at all.

Not because I was weak, not because I was unaware but because I genuinely loved helping people and making them happy.

This is who I am.

It brings me purpose, connection, fulfilment and meaning.

If someone was in pain, I wanted to be there.

If someone was struggling, I wanted to support them.

If someone needed guidance, I opened my heart and offered everything I had.

I don’t regret a minute of that chapter. I loved helping. Giving is a huge part of my identity.

But what I didn’t realise at the time was this:

Loving to give is healthy.

Having no boundaries while giving is not.

THE COST OF HAVING NO LIMITS

During that period, I was building a business, carrying 100k debt and working long hours. My inboxes were full of messages from people needing help, and I replied to everyone. Often for hours. Often unpaid. Often late at night.

I kept doing it because it felt good to be useful.

It felt natural.

It felt right.

But slowly, without noticing, I crossed a line.

I wasn’t giving from fullness anymore.

I was giving from depletion.

My cup wasn’t just empty, it was bone dry.

I remember after burning out how I just couldn’t give anymore…

I was at a dance class and saw a bunch of red roses on a chair.

I thought to myself

I can remember when that bunch of flowers would’ve been for me…

I was given so many gifts for helping and caring…

It made me sad that this was no longer my life.

The truth was I had no energy to give. I ran out of steam and couldn’t work for 3 years.

Mine wasn’t a dramatic burnout.

It was a slow erosion — an invisible leak in my energy over months and years.

THE REALISATION: I CANNOT CARRY EVERYONE

In that moment, I understood something clearly:

I cannot carry the weight of the world and ignore myself at the same time.

It’s not sustainable.

It WILL have a devistating effect on my energy and health in the long term.

In fact, the absence of boundaries eventually damages all the things you’re trying to protect:

 • your health

   • your clarity

   • your relationships

   • your creativity

   • your ability to give in the future

I needed to step back, not because I wanted less connection, but because I needed more space to feel my life, not just respond to everyone else’s.

WHY WE NEED BOUNDARIES

Boundaries are not about blocking people out.

They are not about becoming cold.

They are not about refusing to help.

Boundaries are about:

   • creating space to breathe

   • having time to think before responding

   • making choices based on alignment, not pressure

   • acting from clarity rather than obligation

   • giving because it feels right, not because you feel you must

When we don’t have boundaries, we end up living reactively.

We do what others expect instead of what we truly feel.

We automatically say yes because we want to help — not because the yes is genuine.

Without boundaries, we become disconnected from ourselves.

We become busy instead of present.

We become helpful instead of whole.

We may even become resentful or angry.

WHY WE STRUGGLE TO SET BOUNDARIES

Most people don’t avoid boundaries because they don’t care.

They avoid them because:

   • they don’t want to upset anyone

   • they fear looking selfish

   • they don’t want to disappoint people

   • they’re used to being the reliable one

   • they’ve built their identity around being helpful

   • they feel guilty prioritising themselves

And for people who are naturally warm-hearted and nurturing, boundaries can initially feel uncomfortable, even wrong.

The discomfort of setting them is temporary.

The benefits are not.

WHAT CHANGES WHEN YOU SET BOUNDARIES

When you start setting boundaries, something remarkable happens:

   • You regain your energy.

   • You feel clearer.

   • Your relationships become healthier.

   • People begin to respect your time and your capacity.

   • You stop trying to meet everyone’s needs before your own.

   • You begin making decisions based on what feels right for you.

People can trust you more because you are consistent.

They know where they stand because you communicate clearly.

And you stop building resentment because you’re no longer giving beyond your limits.

Boundaries do not diminish your kindness.

They protect it.

They make your giving sustainable.

They allow you to continue helping others without losing yourself in the process.

THE BOTTOM LINE

I still love giving.

I still support people.

I still help where I can.

That hasn’t changed.

What has changed is how I give.

I give from fullness now.

Not from pressure, obligation or guilt.

Not from wanting to fix everything.

Not from overriding my own needs.

I give when I have the space, energy and emotional bandwidth to do so and when I don’t, I say no.

Not harshly.

Not defensively.

Just clearly.

Because I know now that:

The healthiest version of me can only exist when I honour my boundaries.

And the healthiest version of me is the one that can truly support others.

Hope this might help.